Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Because, sometimes, self-awareness is a good thing.

Or, "What have I rationalized today?"

Last night, I stayed up until about 5am playing Fallout: New Vegas. Not a big deal, right? It's not like I do that every night and, sure, I look like shit today and I keep having those lovely mini-hallucinations that I get when I entirely neglect to sleep, but there's no real harm, right?
This morning, rather than getting up and getting stuff done - studies, writing, (only 6 days left to make 50,000 words... shit.) job-hunting - I stayed in bed until 1pm. That's not so bad though, right? Only 6 hours, and it's not like I do this every day. If I've missed any moments of inspiration or jobs that stopped taking applications this afternoon, well, there'll be other jobs, other inspirations, right?
As I sat down to scribble this blog post out, I had a bar of chocolate, it was cheap so it was totally affordable, and I was only going to have a couple of squares so it wasn't unhealthy or anything, and it was tasty, so the cheapness wasn't a compromise... I don't know if I should include that bit, that's entirely true. I now have an empty wrapper where chocolate was. But... hey, it would only have melted... unless I'd put it in the fridge.

I keep putting off writing. It's not really failing if you're preoccupied with other things is it? Of course not.

Right now I'm thinking that this is all fairly insignificant. It's not like any of these things are major issues, right? And certainly, I can't think of anything important that I haven't mentioned, so surely there's nothing important that I'm rationalising... ugh.

Pointless blogpost is pointless. I need to work on this self-awareness thing.

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